In Pursuit of Joy: MDMA and the Therapeutic Value of Ecstatic States
As a longtime psychedelic user, I didn’t think MDMA could possibly have much to offer. It proved me wrong in the most astonishing way possible.
Note: Names of individuals and some inconsequential details have been changed in order to protect the privacy of those involved.
They were the tiniest capsules I had ever seen, an impromptu gift from my very generous friend Michael. The pale crystals in each pill amounted to roughly 2 mg/kg of my weight, which was a bit higher than what Roll Safe recommended as a starting dose. But being significantly experienced with real psychedelics, I assumed that ecstasy was more likely to underwhelm than anything else. I swallowed a pill at 1 PM and waited restlessly for around an hour. It was the last time I would go into a new experience with such indifference.
“Do I feel something?” I typed on my iPad half an hour later, hoping to record the session as it unfolded. “I want to smile. Everything looks beautiful and music is different. Feels kind of like coming up on acid so far, but maybe more stimulating. A little nausea and lightheadedness.”
As I typed, my pupils expanded and the screen started to blur in a white haze…
