I think there are 2 major issues. One you get at when you mention that sex is not a necessity but touch is. I genuinely believe a lot of incels think they need sex, when it’s actually non-sexual touch they are desperate for. Touch is a basic necessity that sex is NOT a substitute for. But sadly in our society, there are few ways to get non-sexual touch outside of a sexual or romantic relationship because it’s not acceptable to ask a platonic friend to cuddle with you or hold your hand. And the few socially acceptable ways of getting this need met are often really expensive and impersonal, like spending $100 for a 30 minute back massage. I genuinely feel bad for people who are touch-starved with no way of meeting this need.

The second issue is one where I have little sympathy. For centuries, women were not people but commodities. Not allowed to go to college, own property, or even open a bank account without permission of a man. Things have only changed within the last 50 years. The feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies and uncompensated labor is so deeply ingrained in our society, that even many liberal men express it in subtle ways. At its worst, you see far right conservatives and incels outright demanding to go back to a time when women were property with no rights.